By Dr. Jini K Gopinath, Psychology
Marriage is one the biggest decisions a person has to take in life. It is a process by which two people make their relationship official, public and permanent. Therefore, it is vital that a large number of decisions and details be discussed with the partner before the first step into marriage. However, whether it is out of lack of interest, shyness or a desire to preserve their romance, many couples do not ask each the difficult questions that ought to be discussed. Some of the questions are listed below:
- Is my partner affectionate to the level that I expect?
- Will we have children, and if we do, will we be able to manage it?
- How will we, and in turn, our family deal with the differences?
- Can we openly and comfortably discuss our sexual preferences, needs and fears?
- Do we respect and like each other’s friends? Will exes be an issue?
- Are there some things that you and I are NOT prepared to give up in the marriage?
- What is religion’s importance? How will the each other’s faith affect the relationship?
- How will we manage our finances? Would both of us be working? If a career opportunity was offered to one of us in a location that would be far from each other’s family, are we capable of moving?
- Where do we see our marriage in 10 years?
- Do both of us feel fully confident in each other’s ability to remain committed to the marriage and believe that the relationship can survive whatever challenges we may face?
Those that fail to ask each other the above questions may one day find themselves at the center of an explosive dispute – with much graver consequences than if had you fully shared your perspectives on these topics beforehand.
So, if you and your partner are looking to get married, make sure to ask each other this list of questions first, and hopefully you’ll be able to lay all your cards on the table and clarify any uncertainties between the two of you. If you are able to negotiate and reach a compromise on the above, you’ll be in a great place with your partner.